The topic of birth is so close to my heart. Birth has been a major inspiration in my life since I was a child. I even feel like I have a memory of my own birth. I was born cesarean, and it feels so much like I was taken from the space that was my home space when I did not choose that. Birth plays such a vital role in how we perceive the world and even our life patterns we unconsciously repeat. But that topic is not the reason or inspiration for this share.
I want to share about the births of my little ones. The little ones that have made me mother and mother again. Their journeys have so much been a part of my learning my own power and growing into it.
My first little one came to us in a time where I was working and consumed with the 3D and not so centered in myself. I did however know I was pregnant before I took a test to confirm. Once there was confirmation, I did the: "oh, I have to find a care provider" move and proceeded to interview midwives in my area. Through the pregnancy I was elated. Super radiant and blissed in the glow of life flooding my being. I felt very confident with having midwives to help me as I planned a home birth. The midwives were wonderful! They listened to my every thought and share during my appointments that were always an hour or longer. I felt so cared for! When birth came to me and I knew I was in labor I really looked to them and trusted them through the process. I had everything ready for a home birth. The midwives had encouraged me to also have a hospital bad packed, but, I did not pack one because it didn't feel like what I would need. I felt confident in my body and the birth process and really felt comfortable with birthing at home.
My due date came and went and I was at work the next day at 5am. As I went through that day, I started to feel a mental change. Sort of loopy and a little more blissful than pregnancy already had me feeling. Around 11am, I decided to start home. Home was twenty minutes away, but I decided to take another route that took forty-five minutes. When I was finally home, I decided to lay down to nap and right after I laid down, there was a noise of a pop in my body and then a release of liquid between my legs. So, I sat up and tested the fluid to see what the PH was. Sent a photo of it to my midwives and proceeded to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels and stomach is what it felt like, but nothing came. No vomit, no bowel movement. So, I went to the tub and sat down and with every contraction my husband poured water over my pulsing belly at the temperature change I kept requesting. So patiently, we did this for about two hours. During this time the midwives began to come. There were two that arrived during that time. They encouraged me to move from the tub to the living room. So, up we moved to a new space. There we labored on for about seven more hours. I don't remember feeling pain. I have pictures that show I was feeling strong sensations, but I never felt overwhelmed by them. Then in the early hours of the next day, we had a beautiful being. Perfect and blissful. On my chest ready for milk and bonding. It was a lovely experience. I then waited for the placenta to come. Laying down and letting the midwives do this part. They massaged my womb and pulled a bit on the cord and then if finally came out. Birth was complete and I was tired and weak from being up for 24 hours, not eating in labor and loss of blood.
I told everyone, birth was beautiful and I didn't remember any pain and that is still true. It was such a profound initiation into myself that I was forever changed and attuned to a new power, I never knew before, that now lived vibrantly in me.
Now a time has come since a new person revealed themselves to our energy field and desired to be born. I had held their energy in my field for almost a year, of them just waiting to come through. Then conception came right after a major life transition and I knew it was time for me to allow them to come through.
This pregnancy was so different. I knew I was pregnant and I didn't take a test. I solidly knew and trusted my body and intuition. I felt this strong desire to have a free birth. I did not want a midwife to out source my power to, I did not want to hassle with appointments, I wanted to trust my body. Trust my child came to fully come through. Trust in the knowing of life flowing in me. I amped up my intake of beef liver and eggs and made sure I was nourishing myself well. I guarded my energy and curated my community spaces. I wanted to support my intuition with love. My husband, did not feel comfortable with a free birth. Even if I took a course and debriefed our first birth with the midwives to see their thoughts on my body doing well. He really felt the need for a midwife or assistant.
This felt hard for me, but I began the journey to find someone who could attend. After about eight people, I found the person for us. Someone who would respect my space and cared more about my wellbeing than answering to others or building their ego. So, thankfully that was out of the way.
Labor came. It was midnight. I had just gotten our first little one to sleep about thirty minutes before that. Thankfully, I had taken a nap that day, but I was tired and ready to sleep myself. I woke up and thought I needed to have a bowel movement again, just like at the beginning of labor with our first little one. I did this time and tried to sleep again. But the sensations were too great. I told my husband I think labor started and then went downstairs to labor freely without worrying about waking anyone up. I sat down on the couch and fell asleep. Woke for every contraction and then back to sleep. Till about four thirty in the wee hours of the dawn. Then my husband woke up and came down. He asked what I was doing, I told him sleeping. He said it did not sound like I was sleeping due to the loud vocalizations I was having with each contraction. We texted the midwife at this point and told her I was in labor and she might need to come soon. Some time after that, I texted again and said I wanted support. She said she was on her way. At this point I had moved from the couch to the floor. I was on my knees leaning against the couch. I asked my husband for counter pressure as the contractions grew stronger. With every contraction I felt more and more like I was getting closer. So, I reached down to check what everything felt like and I felt what I thought was a head. I had another contraction and more came into my hand and then another and a baby full of life arrived. I told my husband the baby had come. All the lights were off, so he did not really see what was happening well. He then got me a bowl for the placenta and a few minutes later the placenta was born. Birth was complete. And the midwife arrived.
Knowing and trusting my instincts and intuition for the whole pregnancy served me in birth so well. I had my free birth and we had support. My husbands concerns were met and so was my trust in life. Once again, I say: birth was so beautiful! I enjoyed it! And this time, I enjoyed it more. Because I trusted more and I listened more to my intuition and for me birth was really beautiful!
So much of this share is mostly the leading up to birth and bits of the births as well. However, because this is such a sacred topic and so personal to the individuals that my little ones are I will not share every piece of their births.
I also want to say that this share is my journey. Not meant to dismiss or ignore that others do not always have such wonderful experiences in this space as did I. Even when they do "all the things" they are supposed to. Sometimes their are just situations that do not have answers to them. And life is that way.
I am just immensely honored and blessed that my little ones came to me. To bless my life and show me how to grow. That the experience of bringing them into this space was love filled and beautiful for me and for them! That I get to care for and watch them grow and develop! And that their birth journeys have immensely expanded me.