Ponderings

I just finished celebrating Hanukkah over the last week and I am always surprised by the candles; how they burn down and which candle is standing last. It's such an experience. 

Hanukkah is also called Festival of Lights and in Hebrew it means dedication. And each winter when Hanukkah comes, I always feel like I am in a season of rededicating my energy to myself and what is best going to nourish my life as the spring season swiftly approaches. Winter always feels long, but passes just as quickly as all the other seasons. And each day the sun comes out and the days get a little longer and I feel this sense of surprise; just like when I behold the candles burning. The wonder of the body of fire (sun) warming us up is such a wonderful experience to ponder during the long and what sometimes feels endless days of winter.  

I did not grow up celebrating Hanukkah, but about five years ago felt drawn to embrace it. It is so nourishing to me to connect with the element of fire during the darkest and coldest part of the year. Yule also celebrates fire and usually involves logs on a much larger fire. Christmas, though a much newer celebration in the history of humanity, also has the element of fire included, with the lighting of the tree. And all of these traditions are connecting us to this deeper truth. We are the light. Deep inside of us, in our deepest darkest spaces there burns a light. Sometimes it feels bright, sometimes it feels dim and sometimes we cannot sense it at all, but it is always there; as long as we have breath. What a beautiful mirror we experience through these precious traditions. Of course there are deeper meanings still held within each of these traditions, but if you look deeply into the hidden meanings of all of these, they will point us back to our bodies and the life, the flame, that kindles within and how we can best care for it. 

I am always amazed, as I allow the fire, the energy, the elements to move through me each year. As I give myself over to the seasonal changes with grace, I find that the ponderings only get deeper and deeper. Continual new iterations of expansion on the ever expansion of upwards and outwards, unfolding and nourishing new layers of me, I am discovering. 

Just before the dark season was in full bloom - just before the calendar start of fall, I began to very potently feel the grief of the world. In the past, even though I have met grief many times, I still wanted to run away from it (the grief of the world). Ignore it, push it away and well, not deal with it. But, as we all know, whatever we suppress, will indeed at some point return to us to be fully held and seen and hopefully supported. 

However, this year, I did not feel like running. I felt like fully embracing what was coming through and using it for soul alchemy. So, I invited many of you to also join in the grieving and the support of each other in our grief. I held a two part series on Embracing Grief. The first part was a masterclass where I shared tools to help us process grief in times when there is only us and our grief, which for most of us is all too often. The second part was a communal sharing of our grief which we did through a ceremonial space. The grief ceremony was so intimate and loving. It felt like a very tender space for grief to be held and lovingly acknowledged. 

And as we welcome grief by embracing it, patiently as our souls process through the vast and what often feels bottomless territory; we can return balance to our souls. Grief is one of those experiences that can easily swallow months and sometimes years of our lives and especially when we do not have support through these painful areas, it can take much longer. Which is why I felt so called to offer a communal space for grief to be held and shared. 

As we return balance, we are able to once more return to knowing joy. Yes, the grief is still there, but so is the joy. And in a way, the joy is greater, because the work that the grief did within us. It's not pleasant and we really are called into a space of devotion to our souls that is like no other time in our lives. We have to tend our soul and care for our body and patiently wait for the joy to return.

. . . . . . . .

When the balance returns and the joy and grief once more come into balance, we can also begin to welcome pleasure into our lives. 

Pleasure is one of those things that most of us struggle with unabashedly engaging in. There may be shame or undeserving feelings that come up when we even think about it. And often we don't even know what is pleasurable to us, because we don't actively engage with this part of ourselves. 

We may be aware of things that we enjoy; but may not actively be engaging in the pleasure those things bring to us. But pleasure, just like joy and just like grief are essential experiences of being human. Like light and dark, there must be a balance within the soul energetics of our being also. 

So, as the spring is slowly springing up into and through the earth - yes, I know it is January, but it has already begun - perhaps welcoming the springing up experience of pleasure and joy might be a nice thing to ponder. 

What does pleasure look like to you? Where does your life contain the most pleasure? Who are the people that add pleasure to your experience of life? 

I don't know about you, but I want to be able to hold both the joy and the grief, the sorrow and the pleasure and the light and the dark; but all of this takes patience. It's deep soul work that happens over time. So, whatever stage(s) you are in, I hope you get to find some space in these darker months to ponder what is happening in your soul and how you can best support the transformation and alchemy that is springing up within you!